2017-08-19
It wasn’t a good thing, what happened in Charlottesville last weekend—the loss of human life, the response of our leader, the veritable schism between we the right and they the wrong, the great evocation of anger, sadness, and disgust, roiling the collective unconscious, finding form on social media.
I do not wish to elaborate on the details of what happened there last weekend. It’s the aftershock—our reaction and our rage—that’s stuck in my mind.
And I’d like to begin with one response in particular.
Nico Tortorella is an actor and host of the podcast The Love Bomb. He stands for fluidity, inclusivity, and—of course, love. And, in light of the Charlottesville events, he includes a message at the end of his regularly scheduled broadcast. The message begins:
White supremacists, nationalists, neo-Nazis, KKK, bigots, whatever you want to call them, whatever that group of people wants to be labeled as, y’all can go fuck yourselves. There is no place in this country for any of you. You are a disgrace to all of humanity. I actually cannot think of a worse evil in this country than what you represent.
Obviously, he’s worked up—and justifiably so. But the contrast is clear. Should the ideals of love and understanding extend to those we deem undeserving?—those who are wrong, and who have taken irrevocable actions?
We find the answer as he ends his message:
I love you all, except for them.
Somehow, in love’s home, hate finds an echo chamber.
What one says in reaction to tragedy, in moments of great emotional upheaval—these words carry particular weight. And to respond to hatred with hate is to let one’s righteousness become sanctimony. What purpose can hatred serve but to increase feelings of alienation?
In moments like these, in a world where there is an expectation and a medium for us to voice our reactions, can we do better?
There’s a story that’s stuck with me from Invisibilia (another Podcast). It’s a story about responding to violence with kindness. The way it reads—it almost doesn’t sound real, but here’s how it goes.
Friends and family are gathered to enjoy a backyard dinner party and are, that night, confronted by a robber—a man with a gun demanding money. What can they do? No one has money on them, and no one knows how to diffuse the situation. But eventually, a guest offers the man a glass of wine. And somehow, this works. The tension is cut. In the following moments, the robber makes an excuse to leave (though, not before first apparently asking for and receiving a group hug).
This feels absurd. It goes against natural response. This behavior is rare, paradoxical, and ironically, the same behavior under which the civil rights movement found real efficacy. It lets us know that there is hope, and a way of doing things differently.
There will be more events like Charlottesville. There will be things that happen in your own life. I implore you: when someone shows you hate, please consider responding with kindness. Not only because it’s an effective avenue of change, but because it’s a matter of principle.
“No one has the right to do wrong, not even if wrong has been done to them.”
-Victor Frankl (Psychotherapist and Holocaust survivor)
Might we just as easily say, “no one has the right to hate another, even when he is unjustly held in contempt.”
In whatever way you impact the world, you can strive to keep this principle.
roguecloud 